please read this

I have been thinking a lot about this post over the past two weeks. Although I have a lot to say, I fear that this is all going to come out rather fragmented, but hopefully it will make sense.

This is going to be a post about my "political opinions". I have always considered myself a liberal, and I have made many friendships, both online and offline, thanks to shared liberal opinions. When I was 15, I considered myself a staunch liberal and progressive. Many of my online friendships were formed after I openly declared my opinions against the conservative catholic dogma. Living in Malta in the 90s and early 00s, I experienced first hand how a religious dictatorship can erode away personal freedoms, and affect the laws of an entire country. Thankfully, Catholicism has lost its stronghold over Maltese society, and I was happy to witness a huge shift towards a more open and progressive country.

Over the years, it seems that liberal ideology has changed a lot. I'm not sure how this happened. Maybe it's because the younger generation never really witnessed what a destructive force religion can be, so the focus is now on other ideas. its not for me to say, and I'm not going to get into that because this is not the point that I want to make with this blog post. My opinions haven't changed, I still think that religion is a bad idea; particularly when it concerns Islam. Although western countries are moving away from religion, Muslim countries are becoming even more conservative. Stealing even more human freedoms. Imagine my horror when I found out that Islam was slowly moving into Europe, and successfully implementing its ideology in some European countries. My concern grew even more in the last couple of years, when a huge influx of immigrants, many of whom Muslim, started moving into Europe. My concern clouded my judgement as someone who believes strongly in humanism, and I became very vocal about NOT wanting any Muslim immigrants to move into Europe. I don't want to make excuses for the things that I've been saying, but I want to make it clear that this is not who I really am. I care a lot about the wellbeing of people, particularly those who have suffered through unimaginable hardship. If I was in the same situation as them, I would have done the exact same thing.

I have long suspected that I suffer from PTSD. Although not formally diagnosed, I am constantly hyper-aware of my surroundings, and it can lead to episodes of paranoia, particularly when I am going through a stressful period in my life, which was definitely the case over the past two years. While witnessing the immigration crisis, my mind conjured a future where Islam had taken over Europe, and sharia law, beheadings, cutting of limbs, public executions of homosexuals, stoning women and segregation became the norm in our societies. I was fixated with the thought, and I was completely ignoring the simple fact that many of these immigrants are simply escaping certain death.

Something has shifted in my mind lately. I don't know what, but it feels like I suddenly woke up from a nightmare of my own making. The world doesn't seem so hostile anymore. I feel like I was holding my breath, and suddenly I can breathe again. I have been called a bigot and I have lost some friends, which saddens me. But mostly I'm just glad that I am no longer fixated on something that is beyond my control. I still think uncontrolled immigration is not a good thing, but things surely can't be as bad as I was imagining them to be. I have now unfollowed certain  people on social media who, I feel, were influencing my way of thinking. For the sake of my sanity, and the friendships that I made over the years (which I treasure above everything else), I will not be swayed by such negativity anymore.

That's all I have to say.